130 or So.

I’ve had something on my mind that I’d like to share.

It’s about weight.

My thought process started when I realized that I could not remember the last time I weighed myself.

And it’s awesome.

But let’s backtrack.

June 2013. I weighed roughly 135-140 pounds.
October 2013. I weighed about 125.
December 2013. The day after I finished finals, I weighed 118. I remember being so excited about it, but then immediately being full of stress because holiday indulgences were knocking on my door.

My lifestyle change happened in the summer of 2013, but when I look back on it, I know it was anything but healthy.

I got motivated to start working out and eating cleaner, but I never really focused on loving my body.

On 4th of July last year, I was supposed to go to a diner with a friend, but it was closed. We ended up going to Sonic instead. I remember being so nervous and distraught because I couldn’t think of anything healthy on the menu. I ate a grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo. And cried that night.

Yeah.

At the time, I just figured I was eating clean and healthy. I didn’t want to get off track. I had unknowingly, mentally compiled a list of foods I could and could not eat. I journaled everything I ate and would look over it at night to check it let it dictate how I ate the next day.

I allowed this obsession to control the way I ate, exercised, socialized, and lived.

What breaks my heart is that I had no idea at the time. To me, I felt completely normal and “happy”.

I never indulged, yet when I accidentally did, it became a guilt fest in my head.

And that is so so so dumb.

Last time I actually can remember weighing myself was April 2014. I weighed 130 pounds. I was upset.

Which was stupid. Actually extra stupid. Sure, I weighed myself right after eating a ton of Mexican food. But you know what I did before eating a ton of Mexican food? I ran 18 freaking miles.

18 freaking miles on my own two legs in the AM. Guilt fest after stepping on the scale in the PM.

UGH, JULIANA. NOOOOO. YOU ARE AWESOME.

For real, though. And I know I’m not the only one that has ever felt like that.

But really? Weight? Pssh, gravitational pull is overrated anyway. 😉

I’m not the skinniest or leanest person around. I get that. I admit it. I love it.

I am in the best shape of my life and it’s only getting better. I’m the healthiest and strongest I’ve ever been, both physically and mentally. My strength increases daily.

I’ve learned that true health is learning to balance the good and the bad.

Sure, I cut out meat and dairy, but that’s only because it makes me feel better and I noticed improved training once I made the cuts.

However, I did not hold back from inhaling a scone and an almond milk cappuccino yesterday while I was doing some work.

Restriction is lame. Sometimes, I even disagree with the idea of moderation.

Work hard.
Live a lot.
Love everything.

I may never look like some of the girls I follow on Instagram. My stomach may never be completely flat. But I’ll tell you what, I’ve got one heck of a brain that will never be fooled again.

Embrace your strengths.
Smile at your weaknesses.

I love homemade spinach salads. So so much.
I also really love pastries. A lot. Like, a lot a lot.

Like I said, I don’t know how much I weigh now, but I don’t care.

Because dang son, I have a half Iron distance triathlon on November 2, 2014 and I am killing the training plan, fo sho.

This subject used to be fairly personal to me, but now I have no idea why.

I’ve got fat on my body.
I’ve got muscle, too.

And that’s great and all.

But not as important as my heart and brain and personality. And that’s what should always win out.

Love,
Juliana

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