Hi. It’s late. Today had its ups and downs and I want to kind of write about it. You don’t need to read this.
I mean, actually I’d love to talk about it. A good ole sit down to let it all out. I need to make time for that.
Anyway, that’s not the point.
My IT band is acting up again and I cannot even begin to explain how much it bothers me. And of course it happens during a very stressful week of school. OF COURSE.
And then there’s what’s been on my mind and heart for a while… Life feels so different right now. And I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Everything just feels so stagnant. And I know that’s playing with fire because life can change so dramatically so quickly and I don’t wish for anything bad to happen, but at the same time I so desperately want something to happen.
I want to be moved – to tears. I want to feel so in tune with myself. I want to do nothing but show those around me how deeply I love them. I want to appreciate every moment I’ve been given.
And have I been doing that? I don’t know. And that’s what really gets me. For quite some time, every single day felt life changing… But now I feel bored.
And I hate that I feel this way and then that just makes me even more frustrated!
I know life has chapters and that this one won’t last forever.
But I want to go out and make things happen, or better: I want to happen to things. But what? And how?
I’m trying so hard to figure that out. Or do I just let it happen?
I DO NOT KNOW. Ya feel me?
And it’s been keeping me up at night and, to be honest, I have a headache right now thinking about it.
When I can’t sort things out for myself I like to just focus my energy on others, but this has just been weighing so heavy.
I’m so happy. I am. Like dance spontaneously in my room and smiling at leaves blowing around ok the ground happy.
But I’m also just keeping my eyes on the horizon. What’s next? Where do I go? How long do I stay?
I want answers but also know that I can’t always have them.
I don’t know when I’ll sleep tonight, but at least when I do I can rest easier.
Thanks for listening.