Hi. School has started. I’m feeling lots of emotions and thinking a lot of thoughts. Mostly about still living my life during the semester. I said that last semester and yet somehow made myself so busy and so stressed that I was flitting from place to place and class to class without really noticing much. I didn’t talk to many of my classmates. My time with my friends sometimes felt like an escape rather than something I really got to cherish.
Yet, for whatever reason, I feel very different this semester. Whatever I feel now is so incomparable to experiences I’ve had in the past and I don’t know where it will lead me but I am excited to see.
One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, though, has been this:
I don’t mean to sound like a debbie downer, because that’s not what that means to me at all.
I stumbled upon that quote on Pinterest while I was sitting in the sunshine before a class on Tuesday. Almost immediately after reading it, tears came to my eyes and I sent a mass text to some of the first people that popped into my mind that matter to me.
My Grandpa died on Christmas this year. And this Monday I went to his funeral in California… And I was surrounded by so much family. So many people I love and don’t get to see all the time. People I don’t always reach out to and remind how much they matter in my life. And how much I care so deeply for them.
That’s something I want to do more of. Because we’re not around forever. Sometimes people move away or their lives get busy and it seems like you’re getting phased out. Lots of things can happen.
But all I know is that I just want people to know how much I love them. Actually really and truly do.
And I find that it can be scary to do that because I sometimes find myself falling into the vicious trap of thinking too hard about what other people think.
And that’s just a cycle of hurt and pointlessness.
I want to live my life in such a way that there is no question how I feel. Maybe that’s wearing your heart on your sleeve? I’m not sure.
I just want and so desperately need the people in my life to know that I can never express how lucky and joyful and grateful I am to have them in my life. Because they’ve all changed me.
And it’s sort of really incredibly cool because it seems like these people may love me back. I screw up and make mistakes and can be hurtful and vicious to those around me. And yet they can find it in their hearts to forgive me and love me all the same.
And I love that.
I want to remember that and become that next time I feel so appalled by the actions of another.
Look at all of these beautiful-hearted people around me. Just look at them. And then tell them how beautiful they really are.
That’s what I want to do this semester and forever and always.