This has been a really hard summer for me. It’s not something I’ve shared with many people, but it’s been so hard. I’d never felt so defeated and hopeless and for so many reasons, too.
Truthfully, at the root of it all, I felt as though I had failed myself. My worst critic.
And I still don’t always feel 100% myself. But I do have hope. Hope that wasn’t easy to find.
Anyway, because I don’t have quite the words to explain this challenging, honestly painful chapter of my life, I have poetry.
Written just moments ago. In an attempt to clear the clutter in my mind and heart and make room for something brighter, better, lovelier.
The summer sun burns.
Her unrelenting rays cook all in their path.
She bears no mercy for even the most hardened, weary, worn traveler.
The summer sun gives life.
And she takes it away.
The summer sun burned a hole through even my most resilient dreams.
She gave me no respite. She laughed at my sorrow.
This summer filled me with hope and then drowned it away.
She taught me how to swim and then baked the earth until there was not a single drop left.
She formed me, like clay, into something new. Someone foreign. And then dropped me for the shattering the moment I’d set.
She taught me why the shadows exist.
I took peace in them.
She started a wildfire in my brain. In my heart. One I could not contain. One that left nothing but destruction in its wake.
She burnt everything I was to a crisp and danced as the ashes fell.
Here’s what she doesn’t know.
The soil of my soul is now more bountiful than ever.
Something is ready to grow. To sprout.
A drought resistant piece of me waiting to break through.
We’ll see her soon.
And she’ll be so beautiful.